


I Would Carry You Over Fire And Water

by Moriartied



Series: Group Dynamics [7]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: -Ish, -mentioned - Freeform, Angst, Dom Liam, Dom Louis, Dom/sub, Emotions, Liam and Louis have a platonic d/s relationship, Louis and Harry are together, M/M, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Songwriting, Sub Harry, Sub Louis, Sub Zayn, idk there's other stuff, just like the rest of the series, mostly Ziam, which you should probably read before this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-29 14:34:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3899836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moriartied/pseuds/Moriartied
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam Payne might not know what is going on 99% of the time, but he does know a few things. He knows that music is his passion. That singing and songwriting are the things he was meant to do. He knows that he loves his family. He knows that he wants to use his fame and wealth to help people. And he knows that he loves women.</p><p>Really. He loves everything about them. Their soft curves, their long hair, the way they smile and laugh and smell and yeah, Liam likes girls.</p><p>He also likes guys. Or rather, one specific guy. Who he's honestly convinced is an angel fallen from the heavens purely to torture him. Liam thinks god might be a dick like that.</p><p>--</p><p> </p><p>  <i>And if you want to cry or fall apart, I'd be there to hold ya.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	I Would Carry You Over Fire And Water

**Author's Note:**

> And here's the Ziam! I'm pretty proud of this story, and it's pretty long too, so yay me and my productivity! As always, read the rest of the series first or this won't really make sense. Comments are much appreciated. Let me know what you liked, and what you'd like to see in the future of this series, or if there's anything you think needs to be explained further. Thanks loves!
> 
> [Written on my iPad and proofread to the best of my ability. I take full responsibility for typos.]

**Date: Summer 2012-Summer 2013**

**Location: Various**

**POV: Liam**

 

Liam Payne might not know what is going on 99% of the time, but he does know a few things. He knows that music is his passion. That singing and songwriting are the things he was meant to do. He knows that he loves his family. He knows that he wants to use his fame and wealth to help people. And he knows that he loves women.

Really. He loves everything about them. Their soft curves, their long hair, the way they smile and laugh and smell and yeah, Liam likes girls.

He also likes guys. Or rather, one specific guy. Who he's honestly convinced is an angel fallen from the heavens purely to torture him. Liam thinks god might be a dick like that.

It's not that Liam is uncomfortable with the idea of being gay, it's just that, he knows for certain that he's not. He's tried it before. Gay porn does nothing for him. The few hook ups he's had with men have been uncomfortable and awkward for everyone involved. Honestly, men don't do anything for him.

But Zayn.

Fucking Zayn Javadd Malik.

The things Liam wants to do to that boy.

He keeps it to himself for nearly two years after they first meet on the X Factor. In that time he's developed a close friendship with all of the boys, but Louis in particular. Though they'd clashed at first, Liam had figured out what it was Louis needed, and that he was the only one who could provide it. They had instantly forged a nearly unbreakable bond, and Liam knows Louis trusts him more than just about anyone except his mother, and can talk to him about more things than he can talk to her about, so honestly, Liam is probably the one who knows Louis best in the world. And Liam trusts Louis too. He knows the boy is loyal to a fault. He knows he can tell him anything and there would be no judgment, just understanding and love. But for some reason this is just the one thing Liam can't bring himself talk about.

Louis and Zayn are close too, but completely in a best buds kind of way. Best _buds_ , Liam thinks, and chuckles to himself at his pun.

Liam knows why he won't talk about it. Because he knows Zayn is straight. Not straight with a gay exception like Liam, no, one hundred percent heterosexual. And Liam isn't good with rejection. So instead he just pines from a distance and resigns himself to the fact that nothing will ever come of this.

Which is fine really, because he has Danielle, and he has Louis, and really, all of his needs are met right now. If only he could just stop thinking about Zayn every single bloody hour of the day.

He's not sure if it's a good thing or a curse that he's so subtle about his affections for his bandmate. On the one hand, he's glad he doesn't have to deal with the bullshit that management gives Harry and Louis, but on the other, he almost wishes he had a reason to keep his distance from Zayn, because he has no self control, and it's practically torture the amount of time he spends with the boy. But no one suspects anything, especially not Zayn, and Liam supposes that's for the best.

They're on tour right now. Liam's not even sure what city, but they're staying in the bus instead of a hotel. So somewhere in the middle of the US probably. The bus is the absolute worst. Everyone is on top of each other. No one's business is private in the least. So Liam is sitting in the lounge area with noise canceling headphones on, trying to ignore the fact that Louis and Harry are going at it like rabbits in their bunk, and Niall is watching some bad 90s porno version of Star Wars. Thankfully Zayn is nowhere to be seen, because Liam doesn't think he could take that right now. He's heard Zayn jerking off more than he ever needs to in his lifetime. The sounds he makes though, those Liam doesn't think he could ever get enough of, and that thought makes him feel gross and creepy, but god, the boy sounds like an angel when he's moaning and gasping into his pillow.

Basically, whoever decided putting five teenage boys in a cramped, contained box for weeks on end was an absolute sadist.

Zayn eventually comes back onto the bus, with slightly red eyes and a glazed expression. Liam wishes he didn't smoke so much, but he gets it. They're all under impossible amounts of stress, and they deal with it in whatever way works for them.

When Zayn sees Liam on the couch he grins and comes over to sit with him, flopping down against the arm of the sofa and draping his legs over Liam's lap. Liam takes off his headphones when he realizes Zayn is speaking.

"You've got that serious thinking face on," Zayn observes. "What's up?"

Liam shrugs. He doesn't have a ready excuse on hand so he just says nothing instead. Zayn frowns though, and Liam hates seeing the boy look anything less than cheerful so he reconsiders.

"Just tired. Thinking about how we've got six shows in a row without a break," he shrugs.

Zayn nods. He kicks his boots off and shoves his socked feet between Liam's legs. It's something he's done since they first met, and Liam's not sure why, but he's certainly not protesting. And he's got enough discipline to not let himself react to the fact that said feet are so very close to his crotch. Instead he reaches his hand out to rest on Zayn's shin and smiles over at him.

They sit in comfortable silence for a bit, Liam stroking his thumb along the seam of Zayn's skinny jeans, Zayn zoning out in the weed haze, until they're interrupted by a particularly loud shriek coming from Harry's bunk. They both look up, brows arched in surprise, then the shriek turns into a low throaty moan, and at the exact same time Zayn and Liam burst out laughing.

"You know, I always thought Harry would top," Zayn muses, eyes still sparkling with laughter.

"Yeah?" Liam responds, scrunching his nose a little. Honestly he'd thought the same thing, but he was more surprised that Zayn had even given the matter any consideration. For the most part he seemed to keep himself out of any matters involving Harry and Louis' relationship, and Liam could understand that. Louis was his best friend, it made sense that he wouldn't want to think about whether or not he took it up the ass.

"Maybe it was just a height thing, I don't know. Guess I should have realized it from the little spoon thing, but still, kind of surprising." He shrugs, taking that moment to nudge his feet further under Liam's leg, wiggling his toes a little.

Liam nods and they lapse back into silence for a moment until Zayn clears his throat.

"What about you? You a top or a bottom?" he asks and Liam's hand freezes where it had been tracing patterns into Zayn's calf. His brain literally stops working for a couple seconds, and then when his faculties return to him, his stomach flips and suddenly everything feels cold. He had no idea that Zayn even knew he'd slept with men, so to bring it up so cavalier caught Liam completely off guard. He doesn't know how to respond, and he realizes he's staring at Zayn like a deer in the headlights, but he can't seem to get control of his expression.

Zayn winces. "Sorry. Is that not something you want to talk about? It's okay. Forget I said anything."

And curse Zayn for being so utterly perfect.

Liam swallows hard, willing himself to relax. He stares down at Zayn's feet for a moment.

"No, it's okay," he says finally. Then, almost inaudibly, and cheeks flushing red, he mumbles, "Top."

Zayn nods, jutting out his lip pensively. "I think I'd be a bottom. If I, you know, were into dudes."

Liam wouldn't say it's a knife in his heart, but it does hurt, to be reminded that Zayn's never going to want him, never going to be with him the way he wants. But it's okay. He'll live, most likely.

Zayn always gets talkative when he's high. Just kind of says whatever's on his mind. So Liam's not completely surprised by the direction this conversation is going, but still, it's territory they've definitely never travelled into before.

Liam tentatively turns to look at Zayn, who's peering at him with an odd expression.

"You okay?" the dark haired boy asks after a second.

"Yeah, 'course," Liam answers. He'll never admit how shaken he feels right now. He's Liam. He's always in control.

"So like, you're bi, yeah?" Zayn asks.

Liam drops his eyes again, looking at a random spot on the couch between him and Zayn.

"Sure, I guess," he answers.

Zayn frowns at that. "Gay?" he asks.

Liam shakes his head. "Mostly straight," he explains. He can't believe they're having this conversation. He thought he'd kept his secret so well hidden. Christ, Louis didn't even know. How had Zayn found out?

He gets wrapped up in his thoughts again and doesn't realize that it's been a while since either of them have spoken. He glances over at Zayn and sees that he's fast asleep, head back on the armrest of the couch. Liam sighs, then gently lifts Zayn's feet from his lap and stands up, going to get a blanket for the boy.

Harry and Louis are quiet now, and Niall's switched to watching some late night talk show, so Liam assesses that it's safe to go back to his bunk, where he buries himself under his blankets and resists the urge to scream into his pillow.

\--

They don't talk about it again for months. Liam tries not to let this affect anything, but he can't help being more distant from Zayn than usually. It's just easier that way. Easier to maintain his sense of control and self preservation. The only one who really notices is Louis.

They've just finished a scene, and Louis is crawling up into bed next to Liam, exhausted. He nudges his nose into Liam's shoulder, peering up at him with soft eyes, icy blue muted in a dim lighting of the hotel room.

"You alright?" he asks, genuine concern clear in his voice.

Liam starts to nod, then remembers this is Louis, and he can't lie to Louis. He presses his lips together and sighs, stretching out his arm to draw Louis in closer to his side. He stays silent for a few moments, thumb tracing small circles along Louis' spine, and then sucks in a breath.

"Yeah, I'll be okay. Just dealing with some personal stuff. It's stupid." He doubts he's going to get away with that, and he's proven right when Louis narrows his eyes.

"Nothing's stupid if it's bothering you this much," he says, in a perfect echo of what Liam's told him a hundred times. Well, at least it's good to know he's been paying attention. Louis continues. "You know you can tell me anything," he says, chewing his lip. "I want to be able to help you like you help me." His eyes are wide, mouth tugged into a frown. Liam feels so loved right now, and he smiles, filled with emotion as he leans down to press a kiss to Louis' forehead.

"Thank you, angel. You help me all the time," he says. But it's not an answer, and Louis is still looking up at him expectantly so he sighs and continues. "I'm thinking of breaking up with Danielle," he says finally. It's not the whole truth, but it _is_ something that's been bothering him.

Louis' frown deepens sharply. "Why? Is it because of us? Did she find out?"

Liam shakes his head quickly. "No, no, it's not that. It's not anything to do with you," he assures Louis, and the older boy nods, but is still skeptical. Liam looks up at the ceiling. "It's just... I don't think I'm in love with her. And I don't want to keep moving forward with something that's not going anywhere, you know? It's not fair to her."

Louis nods, understanding. "Is there someone else?" he asks slowly.

Liam closes his eyes, working his lower lip between his teeth. He can't lie when Louis is laying here beside him, having just been so incredibly open and trusting with him. It wouldn't be fair to this perfect boy who's helped him more than he can possibly imagine. So he nods.

"Yes, but it's never going to happen," he says quietly. "So it's not like I'd be leaving her for them, it's just... I can't be fully devoted to her when I'm trying to work through my feelings, you know?"

Louis nods again. Liam wonders if he picked up on Liam's vague pronouns. If he did, he doesn't mention it, and instead just moves to wrap himself koala-like around Liam.

"It's going to be okay, Li. You just do what you think is right for you, and things will work out. You're a good person, and you deserve happiness," he says, resting his cheek on Liam's chest. "I believe in karma. I know things are going to be amazing for you."

Liam smiles at that, and brings his hand up to run his fingers through Louis' hair.

\--

Zayn brings it up again eventually, and this time he's sober, but it's four in the morning and they should be asleep, but Harry and Louis are fucking in the room next to theirs and the walls are definitely not thick enough to merit the absurd price this hotel goes for a night. The steady thud of the headboard hitting the wall and the creak of the box spring would be enough to keep them both awake without Harry moaning and and shouting every other second. Liam makes a mental note to tell Louis to use a gag on him next time.

But for now, he and Zayn are lying awake in one of the queen sized hotel beds. Niall is passed out in the other one, having taken a Nyquill for the cold he's been fighting all week, and Liam is jealous, because sleeping is pretty much his favorite activity and this bed is ridiculously comfortable but he can't enjoy it because of the two sex maniacs next door, and also a little bit because of the way the light from the hall is reflecting off Zayn's chocolate brown eyes and making them practically sparkle, but that's not something he'll ever admit out loud.

Zayn groans and shoves his face into the pillow. "Fuck, though," he says after a moment when he resurfaces, and Liam looks over at him brow furrowed. "I mean, is it really that great? Like, taking it up the ass I mean." It's pretty dark in the room but Liam can still tell that Zayn's cheeks flush as he says that. "Harry seems to love it, so I was wondering..." he says like he needs an excuse to ask a perfectly normal question.

Liam shrugs. "I dunno," he says, helpfully. "I've only done it twice and I didn't really like it, but that's just me."

Zayn nods, brows tightly knit and chewing on his thumbnail. He looks a bit like Louis does when Liam manages to get him into his subspace, and wow, that's not a thought Liam should be having when sharing a bed with his friend.

Suddenly Harry cries out significantly louder than any of his previous sounds, and it's followed by a low groan from Louis, and then the bed stops moving and Liam lets out a groan of relief, head flopping back onto the pillow. Finally he can get some sleep. He closes his eyes and is almost drifting off when Zayn speaks again.

"I want to try it some time," he says, so quietly that Liam almost doesn't hear him.

"What?" he mumbles sleepily.

"I wanna know what it feels like. But like. Don't know if I want it to be a dude," Zayn explains. Liam doesn't say anything, but watches Zayn as he waits for him to continue. He's wide awake now, rolling onto his side to look at Zayn again. Zayn still has his thumbnail in his mouth, working it between his teeth. "Thinking about like, a strap on? Like, I just kind of want someone else to take control."

Liam's breath hitches in his throat. He's completely hard in his boxers even though he's usually incredibly good at fighting it. Zayn is just too much, and he's only mortal dammit.

"You want a girl to dominate you," he says when he finally regains the use of his voice.

Zayn nods. "Yeah. Is that weird?"

Liam shakes his head. No, not weird at all. He's somewhat relieved though, that Zayn's asking that question, because it means he doesn't know about him and Louis, which really isn't something he thinks he could explain in a way that anyone other than the two of them would understand. He knows Zayn would assume it's sexual, which it isn't, at all. But he doesn't think platonic bdsm is a common thing, so all things considered, he's the weird one here, not Zayn. He chews his lip and then decides to text the waters.

"Think you might have more luck finding a guy for that though," he says, as casually as he can.

Zayn stops chewing his nail, eyes flicking up to meet Liam's, brow furrowing in thought.

Then after what seems like an eternity, he speaks again. "Yeah, I mean, I guess, if it's just sex, I guess it wouldn't matter."

Liam knows he needs to stop this conversation right now. Because as much as he wants to fuck Zayn through the mattress, it's so much more than that. He wants to cuddle him to sleep, wake up with the boy wrapped up in his arms, share sleepy kisses as the sun rises. He wants to hold hands, and go out to fancy dinners, and show Zayn off to the world as _his_.

But he knows Zayn doesn't want that, and he never will, and as much as Liam wants to sleep with him, he thinks it would be worse to have one taste and never anything more, than to just go on his entire life without knowing what Zayn's face looks like when he comes apart under him.

He sighs and drops his head back onto his pillow. "We should sleep," he says. "Early interview tomorrow."

And next to him Zayn nods and rolls over, facing away from him, and Liam's chest clenches tightly and he feels dirty, and sad, and the combination makes him a little nauseous, but the message somehow hasn't gotten to his dick, and after several minutes of trying to will away his erection, he gets up and goes to the bathroom, jerking off into the shower and then letting the hot water wash over him until he feels like his skin is burning.

\--

The third time it comes up is right after Liam breaks up with Danielle. It was a painless breakup, all things considered. When he explained the situation to her, that he liked her a lot but that he didn't think he was ready for love and commitment, she had understood. They were at different places in their lives, and the age difference, which had always caused a bit of contention, was becoming more pronounced as Danielle had started to think about settling down, with _the one_ , and they both agreed that Liam couldn't fill that role. So they'd split, and the tabloids had gone crazy, but the people that mattered knew the truth, or as much of the truth as Liam was willing to put out there, because he still wasn't willing to admit his feelings for Zayn.

Zayn finds him sitting pensively in the studio one day, a notebook open in front of him but nothing written down yet. There's a half finished track up on the laptop next to the notebook, but it's just a baseline and a melody, because Liam's having the worst writer's block of his life. Zayn sits up on the table, leaning up against the window of the recording booth.

"You've been in here for hours. Got anything good to show me?" he asks, bringing one knee up to his chest and resting his chin on it. His tight washed out jeans are tucked into a pair of clunky black boots and Liam finds himself staring at his slender calves, and what the fuck, that's not even a sexy body part and he's already feeling that inconvenient tightness in his pants.

He shakes his head. "Nope. Nothing. Literally nothing."

Zayn frowns. "Really? Usually you write best when you're upset."

Liam furrows his brow. "Yeah, that's kind of the problem. I'm not upset. Everything is like, really good right now." And it's true. He feels, well, he feels free. Sure he's still head over heels in love with Zayn, but he's come to terms with that, and he knows he can be happy even if he never has him. He can be happy, with the band, and his friends, and maybe eventually he'll land in another relationship, but that's not even a priority right now. He's decided just to focus on himself, and his career, and it's incredibly relieving.

Zayn scrunches his nose. "Okay, so like, write about that. Write happy. The album's going to need it, what with all the angst Louis is throwing out."

Liam sighs and waves his hand in the direction of the trash can which is nearly full of crumpled up notebook paper. "It's all crap." Everything he'd written so far had come out bland as hell, or like, James Blunt levels of creepy stalker. He'd written a six verse ode to Zayn's eyelashes for christ's sake. Okay, so maybe he's not as resigned to a life without Zayn as he claims to be.

Zayn laughs a little, then gets serious. "So you're really okay about the whole Danielle thing?" he asks.

Liam nods.

Zayn bites his lip like he wants to say something else, and Liam cocks his head. "Whatever it is, you can say it..." He has no idea what's on Zayn's mind but he feels like whatever it is, it's probably something that needs to be discussed, so he braces himself. Zayn takes a few more moments then sucks in a breath.

"I feel like you all think that because I'm quiet, I have no idea what's going on. But I'm not blind. And we all spend all our time up in each other's business so I just... I see everything."

Liam frowns, stomach churning, scared where Zayn is going with this.

"You and Louis. I know you're having a thing. And I just... Does Harry know?" Zayn doesn't sound angry, but his face shows his displeasure, and Liam knows he's assumed the worst.

"It's not like that," Liam mumbles, not quite sure how to defend himself. Honestly he's just so relieved that this is what Zayn wanted to talk about, and not the other thing. The other thing is so much worse. He can tell Zayn is waiting for to further explanation, so he swallows. "Harry doesn't know, but that's because Louis' not cheating. It's not... not a relationship. It's different, and Louis will tell Harry when he's ready."

Zayn nods slowly, still clearly skeptical.

"We're just friends. And I help him with some stuff. That's all," Liam tries again. He wonders how much Zayn actually knows about the nature of their relationship.

"You... you make him cry," Zayn says slowly, like he's trying to work things out in his head.

Liam shakes his head. "I _let_ him cry. When he needs it." It's a big part of their relationship. Somehow Liam is the only one Louis lets see that side of him. The only one he lets all his walls down around. Liam is a safe space where Louis can be open and raw and let himself completely break down, and someone will be there to put him back together again.

Liam looks up at Zayn to try to gauge his reaction. The boy has his thumb up at his mouth again, gnawing on the nail. Zayn closes his eyes before speaking again, soft and strained, like it's taking everything he has to get the words out.

"Sometimes I wish I had someone like that."

Everything feels like it's going in slow motion all of a sudden as Liam's thoughts race by so fast he can't even grasp onto them.

This isn't new information, but the other times he had been able to excuse based on circumstances, and anyway, Zayn had only really been talking about sex before, not domming the way Liam and Louis were. He sucks in a shaky breath, fingers digging into his thigh to try to keep himself calm.

"Yeah, you said you wanted a girl to--"

But Zayn is shaking his head so Liam's words fade on his lips.

"Doesn't have to be a girl." Zayn mumbles, barely intelligibly. Then he swallows and looks up at Liam with those big dark eyes, filled with innocence and a little trepidation. "Just has to be someone I trust," he says, louder and more sure this time. "Someone like you."

And Liam swears his heart stops for several seconds.

"Me?" he echoes, voice coming out much harder than he'd intended it to. Zayn winces, and Liam's chest clenches with an overwhelming desire to protect the boy. "No, no it's okay, I'm just surprised," Liam assures when he can form a coherent thought.

Zayn picks at a fraying seam on his jeans, nodding. "Yeah. You."

Liam digs his fingers harder into his leg and nods slowly, trying not to come off as too eager, but also wanting Zayn to know that he's taking this seriously. That it's something he wants as well. His excitement is tempered though, because he knows Zayn doesn't want him romantically. He wants what Louis wants, a safe space, and someone to be in control and save him from getting too lost in his head. And Liam is certainly willing to provide that, because he loves Zayn so much, and what he wants most is for this beautiful boy to be happy and safe.

He realizes he hasn't responded yet, and Zayn is biting his thumbnail again. He reaches up to wrap his fingers around Zayn's delicate wrist and pull his hand away from his mouth.

"None of that," he murmurs softly, standing up from his chair so he's eye level with Zayn. The dark haired boy's mouth falls open like he's going to say something, but it gets lost on his tongue as Liam steps forward to wrap his arms around his waist, pulling him close. Zayn's leg drops down from where it was propped up on the desk and he spreads them apart to make room for Liam to press up in between them, as he buries his face in Liam's chest. Liam brings one hand up to run his fingers through Zayn's thick yet incredible soft hair and presses a kiss to his temple.

He can feel the moment Zayn releases all the tension from his body, limbs going soft and loose as he sinks into Liam's embrace and just let's go. Liam can't imagine that it was easy for Zayn to ask for this and his heart swells with pride for the boy, and he's also struck by the weight of knowing how much trust Zayn has put in him, and he vows then and there to never put his own desires first when it comes to Zayn. He's in this a hundred percent, but he'll never push for more than Zayn is willing to give.

Zayn's body is shaking softly against his, and he's not crying, not quite, but Liam can tell he's letting down his walls and letting his emotions show through, so he doesn't say anything, just rubs Zayn's back and cradles his head against his chest and gives him the space to let it all out.

That night he manages to finish a song, and it's happy yet bittersweet and honestly he thinks it's one of the best he's ever written.

 

  
_You tell me that you're sad and lost your way_

_You tell me that your tears are here to stay_

_But I know you were only hiding_

_And I just want to see ya_

_You tell me that you're hurt and you're in pain_

_And I can see your head is held in shame_

_But I just want to see you smile again_

_See you smile again_

_But don't burn out even if you scream and shout_

_It'll come back to you and I'll be here for you._

**Author's Note:**

> Title and song referenced are Through the Dark by One Direction obviously.
> 
> Come find me on [tumblr](http://coltonfuckinghaynes.tumblr.com) if you'd like!


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